Today I had a procedure that basically confirmed that MD doctors and medicine of today cannot resolve my issues — basically chemo and radiation damage after surviving Colon cancer. I have to find a “new normal” and live with neuropathy which is intense and now on top of that live with intestinal issues as well excruciating rectal pain. OK, said it because it is much easier to talk about breast reconstruction and breast cancer for most of us than colon and rectal Cancer. And yes I know since I also had breast cancer so I’ve got the experience and actually hate those pink ribbons. Did you know that many people – even educated don’t know where or what is a colon??
I am feeling sorry for myself and maybe writing this may help me and someone who is my boat but I’ve not heard from them. I find colon cancer survivors are silent because who the heck wants to hear about our plumbing – small intestines, large intestines, sigmoid, rectal descending this and ascending that and worse of all poop – oops I said it because depending on where in our plumbing you have colon cancer it will drastically change your life for ever. So count your blessing if you get it higher up as they say rather down under.
As a Christian I’ve heard so many times to take our trials, tribulations and pains and even people in our lives that are pains in the neck or pain in the butt and offer them to God and let Him use it for salvation of souls, for alleviating our current state or for conversion of sinners to name a few. I’m starting to get it now more than ever. I could easily be extremely overwhelmed and dive deep into a depressive state of mind and trust me when pain is higher than a 10 it is easy to slip.
How do I “offer” is what I asked a dear friend and she said when the pain or feelings are too intense to handle simple talk to God and ask Him to take it and to use it according to His will or for someone specific such as family member who are struggling or friend who is need of prayers as examples.
So today I will try to “offering” and when I slip I will offer that too because by offering I feel less alone and less burdened. Amazing the pain and situation has not changed but knowing my small world of pain, discomfort, and at times isolation can be used for good makes me feel like a supernatural healer.
Let me know if this makes sense or what you use to cope with “sorry we cannot help you, but at least you are alive.
Lastly not to preach but as mother of two wonderful sons I have 27 years of experience of doing just that, preach that is. So PLEASE, PLEASE get a colonoscopy so that you never have to face this ugly, disgusting and disruptive disease. The colonoscopy is the only “exam or test or detecting procedure” that can actually prevent cancer. If the doctor sees polyps they can scrape them off and biopsy all in one session. If not cancerous, the scrapping of the polyps is enough, if not at least you know and can start looking for options. We can talk about that in another post but that is enough preaching for today and the anesthesia is making me sleepy. New Normal, ugh.